I am not your redemption, that is the Lord;
He lives in me, and I will act of His Word.
You are his daughter, a princess of royalty.
I am a prince and your are his blessing to me.
I cannot list all of the traits with which you have drawn me,
I may speak of your smile and outward beauty,
or your compassionate, sacrifical heart;
your loving meekness and the wonder of this art,
or how your actions indicate the Lord's glory,
but I could never list all of the traits with which you had drawn me.
Darling, I love you. Sometimes, I imagine, I won't even be able to explain how.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Intimacy Reflections - Soul Cravings
Helloooooooooo Nurse! (did you ever watch the Animaniacs? You are asoundingly more beautiful than the nurse. Just fyi.)
All jokes aside, love, I've started reading Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus. It has been okay, but I felt like I had been reading a mirror. Truth, but nothing like a revelation. Today changed that. Entry #9, The Elusive Nature of Love, was awesome. Erwin describes a piece of me that i think fuels my dash towards Martha-spirituality and not Mary-Spirituality. Ready? Here's a quote: "We want god to love us for an endless number of good reason." Catch the difference between this and unconditional love?
Erwin describes our fear of God's love and its root. God sees right through me; He sees my cowardice, my selfish lustfulness, my wickedness. This realization leaves us terrified; how could God love someone so unworthy?
Quote #2 "We rn from God beacuse He sees us best; we run from God to escape our own sense of unworthiness; we run from God because we are certain that the closer come to him, the more guilt and shame we will feel." Beautiful, I have been trying to earn God's love again. My busy-ness is my escape. I now am seeking Godly work, BUti will be toeing the line while I seek.
To believe that my drawing near to God will leave me in a state of guilt and shame is a Satanic attack succeeding. I will find myself "swimming in compassion."
Beloved, it is my prayer for you that your heart would accept unconditional love from me. Erwin described his wife's reaction to an attempt at unconditional, albeit poorly worded, love with pain and anger. She desired his love, but wanted to know reasons why he loved her. That desire to "earn" love was there. Darling, you need not earn my love. However, I hope our love develops and grows something like this:
At first I loved you for parts of you.
Then I loved you for your affect on me.
Then I loved you for who we were together.
Lastly, I just loved you.
Ask me when you read this why I love you; know that I WILL give you reasons. However, I want our love to be fully committed, fully vulnerable, and utterly unconditional. This takes time. In fact, call it a hunch, but I doubt we will be here after a couple year's of marriage. Yet know this, woman of God; I love you, and to paraphrase Misty Edwards, I want to love you more. And more.
And more.
And more.
Intimately,
Your Lover
All jokes aside, love, I've started reading Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus. It has been okay, but I felt like I had been reading a mirror. Truth, but nothing like a revelation. Today changed that. Entry #9, The Elusive Nature of Love, was awesome. Erwin describes a piece of me that i think fuels my dash towards Martha-spirituality and not Mary-Spirituality. Ready? Here's a quote: "We want god to love us for an endless number of good reason." Catch the difference between this and unconditional love?
Erwin describes our fear of God's love and its root. God sees right through me; He sees my cowardice, my selfish lustfulness, my wickedness. This realization leaves us terrified; how could God love someone so unworthy?
Quote #2 "We rn from God beacuse He sees us best; we run from God to escape our own sense of unworthiness; we run from God because we are certain that the closer come to him, the more guilt and shame we will feel." Beautiful, I have been trying to earn God's love again. My busy-ness is my escape. I now am seeking Godly work, BUti will be toeing the line while I seek.
To believe that my drawing near to God will leave me in a state of guilt and shame is a Satanic attack succeeding. I will find myself "swimming in compassion."
Beloved, it is my prayer for you that your heart would accept unconditional love from me. Erwin described his wife's reaction to an attempt at unconditional, albeit poorly worded, love with pain and anger. She desired his love, but wanted to know reasons why he loved her. That desire to "earn" love was there. Darling, you need not earn my love. However, I hope our love develops and grows something like this:
At first I loved you for parts of you.
Then I loved you for your affect on me.
Then I loved you for who we were together.
Lastly, I just loved you.
Ask me when you read this why I love you; know that I WILL give you reasons. However, I want our love to be fully committed, fully vulnerable, and utterly unconditional. This takes time. In fact, call it a hunch, but I doubt we will be here after a couple year's of marriage. Yet know this, woman of God; I love you, and to paraphrase Misty Edwards, I want to love you more. And more.
And more.
And more.
Intimately,
Your Lover
Monday, January 23, 2012
Hails from a Spring day in January
Dear one,
I'm almost positive you've already learned this from me, darling, but I want you to know that I do not like spring. It's the least enjoyable weather to me. Sure, winter has ice and snow and tough driving and COLD, but it's a hardship that is more like a struggle to be endured and a battle to fight, in my crazy, strange brain. However, when winter fades to new life, it is messy. Wet. Dirty. Snow has a crispness that I prefer over this. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate rain always... just at this time, so it seems.
Love, I'm trying to understand how to pursue you, once again. A certain someone gave me an article written about marriage and submission. I am re-poring over its words and content to be sure, but I believe it strongly reflects my desires for our marriage. Sure, if issues arise and we can't come to an agreement, I hope you will trust and follow me. I also realize that may seem unfair it times, if I choose things which are not best over those which are. I know it will take patience, love, forgiveness and prayer as we walk through times like this. However, I also know that overall we won't be in some essence a misconstrued level of power between us. I am not a tyrant, and I never wish to be. I long for us to remain close to the Lord. I realize that, with that being the case, we will not have such a scenario unfold, or at least will be FAR from as likely for it to happen. So, help me. Draw me into passion and intimacy, into the vulnerability that we will need to mutually have. Love, I get terrified, I turn into a rock, a silent sufferer when things get too much for me. Or at least, I used too. Now this happens less and less often, but it still occurs. Draw me out. Have those who surround us draw me out. Know this, as well; I will come, and fight; this situation isn't one of pure passivity and defeat with me, but a way of coping that is a fluid process.
I'm continuing to learn what that community around us will look like. I long for it, dear. I want to surround us with those who are after God's own heart, and as a group we continually push each other for His desires and His transformation in our own hearts and minds. I'm praying that I would not be deceived or misled here; I know what I want is something radical, but not every radical thing is of Him and of truth.
Again, know I am praying for you. I do love you, my sweet one. And again, I do long for the days when we will walk hand in hand down the road our Lord has for us. On it I will ever be true. I love you.
I'm almost positive you've already learned this from me, darling, but I want you to know that I do not like spring. It's the least enjoyable weather to me. Sure, winter has ice and snow and tough driving and COLD, but it's a hardship that is more like a struggle to be endured and a battle to fight, in my crazy, strange brain. However, when winter fades to new life, it is messy. Wet. Dirty. Snow has a crispness that I prefer over this. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate rain always... just at this time, so it seems.
Love, I'm trying to understand how to pursue you, once again. A certain someone gave me an article written about marriage and submission. I am re-poring over its words and content to be sure, but I believe it strongly reflects my desires for our marriage. Sure, if issues arise and we can't come to an agreement, I hope you will trust and follow me. I also realize that may seem unfair it times, if I choose things which are not best over those which are. I know it will take patience, love, forgiveness and prayer as we walk through times like this. However, I also know that overall we won't be in some essence a misconstrued level of power between us. I am not a tyrant, and I never wish to be. I long for us to remain close to the Lord. I realize that, with that being the case, we will not have such a scenario unfold, or at least will be FAR from as likely for it to happen. So, help me. Draw me into passion and intimacy, into the vulnerability that we will need to mutually have. Love, I get terrified, I turn into a rock, a silent sufferer when things get too much for me. Or at least, I used too. Now this happens less and less often, but it still occurs. Draw me out. Have those who surround us draw me out. Know this, as well; I will come, and fight; this situation isn't one of pure passivity and defeat with me, but a way of coping that is a fluid process.
I'm continuing to learn what that community around us will look like. I long for it, dear. I want to surround us with those who are after God's own heart, and as a group we continually push each other for His desires and His transformation in our own hearts and minds. I'm praying that I would not be deceived or misled here; I know what I want is something radical, but not every radical thing is of Him and of truth.
Again, know I am praying for you. I do love you, my sweet one. And again, I do long for the days when we will walk hand in hand down the road our Lord has for us. On it I will ever be true. I love you.
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