Hails from a Spring day in January

Dear one,

I'm almost positive you've already learned this from me, darling, but I want you to know that I do not like spring.  It's the least enjoyable weather to me.  Sure, winter has ice and snow and tough driving and COLD, but it's a hardship that is more like a struggle to be endured and a battle to fight, in my crazy, strange brain.  However, when winter fades to new life, it is messy. Wet.  Dirty.  Snow has a crispness that I prefer over this.  Don't get me wrong, I don't hate rain always... just at this time, so it seems.

Love, I'm trying to understand how to pursue you, once again.  A certain someone gave me an article written about marriage and submission.  I am re-poring over its words and content to be sure, but I believe it strongly reflects my desires for our marriage.  Sure, if issues arise and we can't come to an agreement, I hope you will trust and follow me.  I also realize that may seem unfair it times, if I choose things which are not best over those which are.  I know it will take patience, love, forgiveness and prayer as we walk through times like this.  However, I also know that overall we won't be in some essence a misconstrued level of power between us.  I am not a tyrant, and I never wish to be.  I long for us to remain close to the Lord.  I realize that, with that being the case, we will not have such a scenario unfold, or at least will be FAR from as likely for it to happen. So, help me.  Draw me into passion and intimacy, into the vulnerability that we will need to mutually have.  Love, I get terrified, I turn into a rock, a silent sufferer when things get too much for me.  Or at least, I used too.  Now this happens less and less often, but it still occurs.  Draw me out.  Have those who surround us draw me out.  Know this, as well; I will come, and fight; this situation isn't one of pure passivity and defeat with me, but a way of coping that is a fluid process.

I'm continuing to learn what that community around us will look like.  I long for it, dear.  I want to surround us with those who are after God's own heart, and as a group we continually push each other for His desires and His transformation in our own hearts and minds.  I'm praying that I would not be deceived or misled here; I know what I want is something radical, but not every radical thing is of Him and of truth.

Again, know I am praying for you.  I do love you, my sweet one.  And again, I do long for the days when we will walk hand in hand down the road our Lord has for us.  On it I will ever be true.  I love you.